Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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