Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
