Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
