I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
