After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
