Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
