I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
