i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
