I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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