I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
