In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
