birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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