I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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