Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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