i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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