can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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