At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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