Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
