"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize