I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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