I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Text me some of your sweat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
