he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
