his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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