I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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