hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
