hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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