Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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