I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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