i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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