New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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