I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
