Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
