This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
