Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
