her vagine was all disorganized.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
