oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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