a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
