Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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