My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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