remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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