I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
