The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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