she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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