Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
