i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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