I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
