I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
