Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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