yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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