You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
