he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
