you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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