I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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