We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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