FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
