I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize