conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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