I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
