GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
