FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
