seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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