i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
