have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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