i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
