Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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