I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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