Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
