Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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