o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
