Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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