Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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