angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
