I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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