Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
