Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
