for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize