it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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