i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize