i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
