She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
