so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
